


Hurts Like Hell - K-W 2018

by lechaton17



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Prompt Challenge, Whump, kwmonth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-23 15:49:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16162016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lechaton17/pseuds/lechaton17
Summary: Keithtober-whumptober prompt challenge, created by @Callaeidae3 and @KoganewestHere is my take on the K-W prompt challenge, for all your angsty/HC/Whump Keith needs.Probably will throw a lot of Sheith in because I love them <3





	1. 1. Naxzela

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends! 
> 
> This will be my first attempt at prompt challenges! 
> 
> Shout out to @Callaeiae3 and @koganewest for coming up with the prompt list! Check to their tumblrs if you wish to try the challenge yourself :)
> 
> Most of these will probably be short and sweet and to the point, unless I get carried away haha.

"We'll never penetrate those shields!"

It only takes Keith a few seconds to decide what he needs to do. It really isn't even all that hard. 

If there's anything Keith knows, it's that he would rather die than fail to save his friends. 

"Maybe not with our weapons."

Keith can't think about anything else. He can't think about Matt screaming in his ear, "Keith, what are you doing?". He can't think about Voltron. He can't think about the Paladins. He doesn't have the time to hesitate. He doesn't have the time to second guess himself. He flies towards the shield, the noise and the world around him disappearing. 

When his father died, Keith remembered being angry. He was angry that is father was gone. He was angry that he was suddenly all alone. A part of him, even at that young age, wished that it had been him and not his father. Surely dying was easier than living with the pain of surviving? It had consumed him, eaten away every happy memory he carried in his heart. He became cold and distant. He didn't allow himself to care, not about anyone or anything. Not even himself. Because nothing had mattered to him, anymore. 

Until he met Shiro. Shiro was the first person to truly reach out to him, and be kind to him since his father had died. Shiro hadn't treated him like an annoyance. Shiro had treated him like...like he mattered. 

And just when Keith had started to open up again, Shiro had left. Disappeared. Gone, just like his father. 

And then...well, then there came Voltron. Shiro came back. They found the Blue Lion. And they found Voltron. 

Keith was forever grateful that he'd been able to find Shiro again. He was grateful that he'd had the opportunity to be apart of Voltron, even if it hadn't been for very long. For the first time, Keith had remembered what it felt like to be a part of something. A part of a family. Of course, he'd royally screwed that up. His desire and need to learn more about himself had caused him to abandon that family. It wasn't what he had meant to do, of course. If he could, he would gladly split himself in two and try to be both- a Blade and a Paladin. But he hadn't been able to do that. 

Although they had said they understood his need to leave, it didn't change the fact that he had left them. And they would never forget it, either. He'd always be that paladin- the one who ran away. The one who had failed to lead.

He couldn't be angry at them for it. He probably would felt the same if it had been one of the others.

The shield was close. So close. It would just be a matter of seconds, an it would all be over. He may have failed his friends before, but not this time. This time, he would save them. This time, he would do something right.

He wished he could say something, anything, but it was too hard. His throat was too tight. He wasn't afraid of dying. But he couldn't say goodbye, either.

He thought of Shiro, and hoped that he would understand. He hoped that Shiro knew how much he had meant to Keith.

 _I'll save you as many times as it takes,_ Keith thought, a small smile on his face, as a single tear slid down his cheek. He closed his eyes, and braced himself for the impact.  

Dying was easy. Living was hard. 

 


	2. 2. Trials of Marmora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt 2: Trials of Marmora

Keith sat on his bed, the room dark and quiet. He was exhausted, he was sore, and he was confused. 

He had been in a daze for hours, barely aware of what was going on around him. As soon as he had the opportunity, he'd escaped from the rest of the group and took solace in his room, away from everyone else. The dark and the quiet were comforting to him. He needed to think, to understand. 

He was Galra. At least partly. He was part of the race that that they had been fighting so hard to destroy. 

_Your mother will be here soon, and she'll explain everything_. 

His mother had been Galra? Is that why he had never seen her as a child? Where was she now? Was she fighting with the Blades of Marmora, or standing alongside Zarkon?

What did the make Keith?

He had wanted so badly to understand who he was. But now he was more confused than ever. He had thought he was a Paladin of Voltron. But could he be, now? Would the others accept him the way they had before?

It was too much to think about. 

Every inch of his body felt bruised. Even breathing hurt. His shoulder had a long gash on it from where one of the blades had hit him. But he couldn't even bring himself to care. And the last thing he wanted was to face any of the others right now. Part of him was considering just sneaking off the ship when they weren't looking, so he'd never have to face them again. 

But could he really do that?

What did he have, without Voltron?

There was a knock at his door, causing him to jump. "Keith?" It was Shiro. "Can I talk to you?"

"I'm fine," Keith said at once, but his voice shook in contradiction. Shiro sighed, and the door opened. Keith hugged his knees to his chest and didn't look at him. 

"Why are you sitting in the dark?" Shiro asked, and Keith just shrugged. Shiro turned the light on, and Keith pointedly looked at his knees. 

Shiro hesitated a moment, and then stepped closer to him. "Look, I know...." His voice trailed off. "Keith, you're bleeding."

Shiro was there, pulling back the collar of his shirt to try and check his shoulder, his eyebrows pinched with worry. "We should get you in a pod," Shiro said seriously. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"I'm fine," Keith mumbled, still avoiding Shiro's gaze. 

"Keith-"

"I'm not going out there right now, Shiro."

Shiro sighed heavily. "All right," he said. "I'll be right back."

He stood up and left. Keith was reminded of his vision earlier. _Then you've chosen to be alone_. 

He didn't want to be alone. He wanted someone to tell him that it was okay. That he wasn't a monster. That he still mattered to them. 

God, was he crying? Keith wiped his face, and it was indeed wet with tears. What would the others think to find him crying over his Galra heritage?

Shiro returned, a first aid kit in hand. He closed the door behind him. If he noticed Keith's tears, he didn't comment on them. He sat the kit down on Keith's bed. "Can you take your shirt off, so I can see your shoulder better?" he asked. Keith didn't move for a moment, not wanting to give in. But his shoulder did hurt, and that's all he needed was to get an infection or something on top of everything else. He pulled the shirt over his head, hoping Shiro didn't see him wince. 

Shiro's eyes widened. "Keith," he said softly, and Keith looked at his own body and realized how bad he looked. He was covered in marks and bruises, slowly darkening. His shoulder was caked with blood. Even Keith felt a bit shocked; he knew it had hurt, but he didn't care enough to check and see if he was really injured or not. 

"I'm taking you to the pods," Shiro said firmly, and he tried to take Keith's hand, but Keith pulled out of his grasp. 

"I told you I'm not going, Shiro. I told you, I'm fine. It doesn't even hurt."

Shiro looked like he wanted to argue. Keith watched as he clenched his fists tightly. But Shiro didn't argue. He opened the first aid kit and started to look through it. Keith kept his eyes fixed on the fall behind Shiro. As much as he wanted to be alone, he also was glad that Shiro was there. 

Maybe because he didn't really want to be alone. He was just used to being alone.

"This will sting," Shiro said, placing a damp cloth on Keith's shoulder. Keith couldn't stop a hiss of pain from escaping. The cut burned, but after the burn wore off, it actually felt a bit better. Shiro cleaned his shoulder up and wrapped it in some gauze. "That's the best I can do with what I got," Shiro sighed. "You should take an easy while it heals. You're gonna be sore for a couple days."

Keith just nodded. Shiro reached out and touched his face softly. "Keith, look at me. Please."

Finally, Keith caved and looked him in the eyes. Shiro was looking at him with so much concern, Keith could feel the tears returning. "Hey, it's okay," Shiro said, with a sad smile. "I know you must be feeling overwhelmed with everything right now. It's okay to take your time and try to process it. But just try to remember, that you are a Paladin of Voltron. You're still Keith. No matter what, you know who you are and what you stand for. Nothing will change that. Because _I_ know you, Keith. Even if you are doubting yourself."

"Shiro," Keith whispered, and Shiro pulled him into his arms, careful to avoid his injured shoulder. Keith buried his face into Shiro's chest and let the tears come. 

At least there was still one person who believed he was good. 


	3. 3. Orphan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt 3: orphan

Keith sat in front of his father's headstone, the sun on his back. 

He spent a lot of time here. He'd come and talk to his father. He'd tell him about his day like they were just sitting at the dinner table. It was stupid. It's not like his father could really hear him. 

But he had no one else to talk to. 

The other kids at school didn't like him. His teachers didn't like him. No one in the group home seemed to like him, either. Keith really couldn't blame them. He didn't like himself much anymore, either. 

Ever since his father died, his world had changed. 

When his father was still alive, he never had to worry. Sure, they hadn't been rich. Things were hard a lot of time. His father had had to work a lot in order to support them. But his father was still there, every night. He would tuck him into bed. He'd make him breakfast in the morning. All normal, simple things. Keith had taken advantage of them. 

You never realized how much you wanted your dad to tuck you into bed until he was no longer there to do it. 

His father was the only person he'd had. He had been Keith's only family. The only person in the whole entire world that cared about him at all. 

Keith wanted to make his father proud. But it was so hard. It was so hard to walk into school and have all the kids stare at him, whisper behind their backs. 

It was hard to come home to the group home where he had no one who cared how his day went. No one to tuck him in at night and let him know that he was loved, and that he mattered. 

So he came here, to his father's headstone, and talked to him. For a few minutes every day, Keith would let himself pretend. He could pretend that they really were just sitting at the dinner table. He could almost hear his father's booming laugh when he told him about a funny thing the teacher had said. Keith would even feel himself begin to smile, like he would look up from his feet and his father's face would be there, that familiar twinkle in his eye. 

But then he'd realize that he wasn't there. Just his name, carved into some rock. A fading memory. 

He'd probably forget what his father's voice sounded like, pretty soon. 

He hated that. 

And then it would get to a point where he couldn't be there anymore, alone in the cemetery. It hurt too much. 

So he'd stand up, wipe his eyes, and walk back to the group home. 

And tuck himself into bed at night. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm crying


	4. 4. Garrison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4\. Garrison

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super short xD

Well, he really screwed up this time. 

Keith stood under the relentless sun, staring back at the only home he had left. 

It had been his only home, until they decided he was too much to deal with, and kicked him out. 

Keith shouldn't be surprised. Nothing ever worked out for long. What did he think, that he was going to actually become some awesome fighter pilot, and that everyone would love him? He'd get top marks in his class and become some kind of hero?

He wasn't a hero. He was just a discipline case. 

He wouldn't have even had lasted as long as he did if he hadn't been for Shiro, and everyone knew it. Keith knew it. The teachers knew it. Even some of his classmates knew it. But now, Shiro was gone. Disappeared. Probably dead. Keith was alone, again. It was as if everyone who ever cared for him disappeared. Like he was some sort of curse. 

Shiro would be so disappointed if he could see Keith now, standing alone and looking back at the Garrison as if willing it to let him back in. What was he going to do, now? The Garrison had been his last chance to make something of himself. He wasn't about to go back to some group home or shelter. And no one would be checking in on him. No one would wonder where he went, or if he was okay.

And it was his fault. 

Ever since Shiro had left on his mission, Keith had been on edge. It was if he had known something terrible was going to happen. And when he found out Shiro was missing...he just couldn't handle it anymore. One kid had said the wrong thing-made a joke that Shiro had been the reason Kerebros failed- and Keith lost it. He'd punched the kid, and that was all the staff had needed to decide that Keith was no longer going to be their problem. 

Keith sighed, turning his back on the Garrison. He couldn't shake his feeling of guilt. Shiro had fought so hard to keep him there, giving him chances no one had ever had. But Shiro was gone. There was no one left to disappoint. 

No one except himself, and Keith had gave up on himself a long time ago. 

He walked away, having no idea where he was headed. All he knew was that the Garrison was no longer his home, Shiro was gone, and yet again, he was alone. 


	5. 5. Kerberos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt 5: Kerberos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so behind already woops xD I might try to post 2 tomorrow to catch up xD 
> 
> (This chapter can kind of follow the last.)

Keith sat on the roof of his cabin, staring at the sky.

He'd been living alone in the desert for a while now. He wasn't even sure how long it had been exactly. The days and nights all melted together, as he worked his brain furiously, his drive to understand some cave drawings the only thing keeping him going. The sun came and went. But he was always alone. 

Most days, his obsession and pull to understand what all of his research meant kept him occupied. It kept him from thinking about the Garrison, and about Shiro.

But sometimes, the thoughts took over.

It had been so long since Keith had watched Shiro disappear into this same night sky. He had been afraid for Shiro to leave, mostly for his own selfish reasons. When Shiro had been there, he'd been able to keep Keith in line. He's treated Keith as though he was worth something- not just some stupid foster care kid or some hopeless discipline case. When Shiro had been there, Keith had started to believe in himself again. He started to remember what it felt like to have someone care, and to care about someone in return. He had smiled again, and laughed again, things he hadn't done since his father was alive. Life had become easier. He had started to feel like life was worth living, again. 

As he had watched Shiro's ship take off towards Kerberos, Keith had silently wished that he would come back. Keith wasn't ready to be alone, again. He'd been alone for so long, and to finally have that feeling that someone out there cared about him- he wasn't ready to lose that. He wasn't ready for someone else to leave him. 

And then he found out that Shiro was gone. Missing. Presumed dead. The one last person in his life that cared even the slightest for him was gone. Shiro had caught him by surprise. He'd just shown up one day, with his warm smile and caring heart and invaded his way into Keith's heart. Keith had been used to no one caring. He'd been used to the numbness in his heart. But Shiro had to be persistent. He had to keep trying. He had to try and save Keith from himself. And then he left Keith, feeling even emptier than before. 

Keith stared at the sky, vast and empty tonight. He felt his throat burn, his chest constricting. He used to hate crying, especially in front of people. He usually turned his pain into anger, and lashed out at others. But tonight, he was too tired. And there was no one to lash out at, except himself. No one to see his tears. 

Keith punched the roof of the cabin as his tears fell down his face. His hand ached, scrapes stinging. He hit it again and again until the pain was enough to distract him from the pain in his heart. He hand stung and bled and he did nothing to help it. He welcomed the pain. Because he was tired of thinking about Kerberos. He was tired of thinking of the emptiness inside of him. He was tired of thinking about the holes in his heart, caused by the people he loved being ripped away from him over and over. 

He would be angry at himself tomorrow, when his hand stung with every movement. But for tonight, the pain was okay. Physical pain he could handle. Physical pain would heal. 

His heart, however, would never stop hurting. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one :') Yet I can still make myself emotional over a short writing T.T I just love Keith so much and hate what he had to go through :'(


	6. 6. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt 6: fire

It started out as a simple mission. 

The team had split up to look for possible civilians in the ruins of the city. They were still finding people every day; people who had been hiding since the Galra attack, too afraid to see daylight and get caught. The Galra were gone, but the fear wasn't. Keith had been paired up with Pidge; the others were all in different parts of the city, trying to cover miles of land. 

Keith didn't mind working with Pidge. She kept her head on straight and didn't freak out. She was very straight and to the point whenever they were on missions together. It was rather refreshing, because when he was paired with Lance, they'd always find something to argue about, and Hunk had a habit of talking nervously. Since Shiro was mostly busy these days, Keith found himself partnering with Pidge a lot. 

They walked quietly through the ruined city streets together. Pidge nodded at him silently gesturing to get left. Keith understood what she was saying without her having to speak; she wanted to split up and cover more ground. He nodded and she took off down the street, turning walking parallel to him, about a block down. For a few minutes it seemed that there was absolutely nothing. No people, no life. Keith could only hear the sounds of his own footsteps, and he was treading lightly. 

And then the world exploded. 

Keith was knocked back off his feet, his helmet and bayard flying, the blast taking him by surprise. Debris flew all around him, the sound blowing out his ears. He flew a few feet back, his back slamming into a wall. Stars exploded in his vision and he slid down to the ground in a daze. For a minute he was unable to understand what had happened. He couldn't hear anything, and his vision was spotty. But then he saw it; the orange, hot flames. Everywhere. 

The building he'd been walking next to had exploded somehow. Some sort of trap probably laid by the Galra to attack unaware civilians. 

The flaming debris was in the street, the building itself half blown out, dark smoke already billowing into the sky. Keith had no idea where his helmet or bayard had flown off to, and he had no way of contacting Pidge. 

Pidge. 

Oh, shit. 

Keith's heart began to race. Everything felt too warm. The fire was everywhere. He was suddenly a kid again , learning that his father was dead, lost to the flames he fought so hard to protect people from. 

What if Pidge had been hurt? What if she had been in the building?

He couldn't breathe. He hadn't seen her when the explosion went off. It was so hot, and his heart was racing-

Keith pulled himself to his feet, the world swaying around him. No, no. He wouldn't lose Pidge, not like this. After everything they had been through, everything they had survived- there was no way he'd let the fire steal another person he loved. 

Keith staggered into the street, looking around wildly. He tried calling out to her, but he still couldn't hear anything. The world around him was moving unnaturally, but he couldn't let it get to him. He had to find Pidge and make sure she was okay. 

Keith felt something warm and sticky on the back of his neck. He tried not to think about it. The smoke and dust was making it hard to breathe. He couldn't even see all that well through it, but he was desperately trying to, his movements unsteady and sluggish. Every second he didn't find her was a second too long. He kept tripping over chunks of brick, each time convinced it was Pidge's body. The fire was all around him, and his ears were ringing, and he just needed to save her, to make sure that she was okay-

Suddenly, arms were around his neck, knocking him to the ground. 

His body hissed in protest, and the world spun around him. For a moment he tried to fight the person off, believing it must be some stray Galra soldier, or crazed civilian thinking he was an enemy. But then he realized it was neither; it was Pidge. She was crying, the tears cutting a clean path down her dirty face, and she was hugging him. She was saying something, but her words were coming in and out through the ringing in his ears. 

"...didn't know...answer me...happened...."

"P-Pidge?" he stammered. "A-are you hurt?"

She shook her head, and he was flooded with relief. He barely had time to let himself relax before his vision was overcome by blackness. 

* * *

 

When Keith woke up, he was in a hospital bed back at the Garrison. 

He blinked a couple times, and sat up with a gasp, the memories of the explosion coming back to him. The room spun, and someone was pushing him back down into his pillows. He looked over and realized it was Pidge. Her face was clean, now, and she was no longer in her paladin armor, but she looked just as scared as she had back out on the street. 

"Just sit back," she told him, though she sounded muffled, like she was speaking to him underwater. 

He did as he was told, trying to relax his body. "You took a hit to the head," she told him, her hand still on his shoulder. "And if your hearing sounds weird, they said it should only be temporary, so try not to freak out."

"W-what happened?" he asked her, even his own voice sounding distant. 

"An explosive detonated in the building you were walking next to," she told him. "It's possible you might have tripped it without knowing. That, or there was someone or something inside that did, but they didn't find anyone else at the scene."

Keith processed what she said, his brain feeling like it was overloaded. "Are you okay?" he asked her, even though she looked fine. 

She smiled sadly. "Yes, I promise you I'm fine. You've asked me a million times, though I don't know how much you remember. I was on the other side of the block, remember? I had a few buildings in-between me and the bomb. Though they had to give me some oxygen from the smoke inhalation. I feel a lot better now."

Keith sighed. "I'm glad. When I saw the- the fire- and I wasn't sure where you were- and then I thought about- my- my dad-"

Her face softened. "I'm okay, I promise," she said again, squeezing his hand. "You scared me half to death though, so I'd appreciate it if you'd just calm down and rest. They said you would be okay in a few days, though your head will probably hurt. I was...I was scared, too. I didn't know what was going to happen or how badly you'd been hurt...."

Keith tried to will himself to relax. Pidge fell silent, her eyes shining with unshed tears as she continued to hold his hand. Keith felt himself getting tired, even though he had barely woken up. Her hand in his was comforting, helping convince his brain that she really was okay, and the fire hadn't taken her away from him. 

"Get some sleep," she said quietly, her thumb rubbing cycles on the top go his hand. "I'll stay here with you."

He tried to smile at her, his eyes already closing. "I'm glad you're okay, Pidge," he managed to say, and sleep took him under before he could hear her response. 


	7. 7. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 7\. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Keith/Shiro angst :') I had about 3 different ideas going for this prompt, but this one won at the end.

Nightmares were a constant companion. 

If not for Keith, then for Shiro. Keith couldn't remember the last time that he hadn't woken up, either thanks to his own demons coming to haunt him, or waking up due to Shiro thrashing around in the bed next to him. 

Quite a pair, they were. 

Keith's nightmares weren't always the same. Sometimes he dreamed of his father. He would be alone in a building house, hearing his father call his name. Keith would run from room to room, the house crumbling around him, the flames getting higher and higher, but he never found his father. And just as the flames finally engulfed him, we'd wake up, drenched in sweat, feeling as if the fire was still on his skin. 

Sometimes he'd have nightmares about his foster homes. There was one in particular that had been extremely bad. The couple he stayed with would always end up fighting and screaming at one another. Some times the fights would turn physical. In his dreams he'd be desperately trying to hide, under the sink, or in a closet, trying to cover his ears and will it all to stop. But then this foster father would find him. He'd grab Keith by the arm and pull him out, yelling at Keith too, his face red with anger. His hands would travel to Keith's throat and he'd wake up gasping for breath, certain the fingers were still around his neck. 

And a lot of the time, he'd dream about Shiro. 

Sometimes, he'd simply dream that Shiro was gone again. He'd wake up and the bed would be empty. He'd run from room to room, looking for him, but Shiro would just be gone, like he had never even existed. 

Sometimes he'd dream he was back in space, desperately looking for Shiro after his disappearance following the battle with Zarkon. He'd be all alone in the empty universe, no Shiro, no Voltron, no Paladins. He would be alone, desperately looking out at the vast emptiness and trying to convince his heart that he would find him. He'd just have to keep looking, and looking, and looking....The hopelessness was excruciating. 

Sometimes he would dream about the cloning facility, as Shiro chased him, trying to kill him. He hated these dreams most of all. He hated to look at Shiro, and not see _his_ Shiro looking back at him. He hated fearing that the person he loved more than anything was going to kill him. He hated to think that he would die and not be able to save him. He could hear his hurtful words, over and over,  _I should have abandoned you just_ _like your parents-_

Though Shiro never would tell Keith his dreams, he knew Shiro would dream about that fight too. Keith could tell by the things he muttered in his sleep. When Keith would finally wake him up, Shiro would cling to Keith and sob, or even sometimes, just push him away and leave the room. 

Keith hated nightmares. Especially the ones that were based on reality. Because you couldn't get comfort from those kinds of nightmares by waking up. They were a constant reminder of what had happened and the struggles they had been through. The only comfort was knowing that the moment had passed, though the scars still remained.

One night, Shiro was deep into a nightmare. He thrashed in his sleep, yelling out Keith's name, the sweat pouring off of him. Keith desperately tried to wake him up, wanting to rescue Shiro even from his dreams. Shiro was fighting so hard, Keith couldn't keep ahold on him. His wrist escaped Keith's grasp and send his fist flying straight into Keith face. The hit connected with his nose, causing a sickening crunch. Keith flinched but didn't move away, still trying desperately to calm Shiro down. It wasn't until Shiro finally woke up, gasping and in tears, that Keith realized that he was bleeding. 

"Keith?" Shiro whispered. 

"Shit," Keith muttered, quickly jumping out of bed, hand over his face as he turned away. He didn't want Shiro to see. It would just make everything worse. 

"I...." Shiro's voice was a croak. "Y-you're bleeding?"

"No," Keith said at once, even though it was hard to hide it. He glanced over his shoulder at Shiro, who was sitting up in bed, looking down at his shirt, which had drops of Keith's blood on it. Well, fuck. 

"I....w-what- what did I do?" Shiro whispered, looking horrified. 

"Nothing!" Keith said, walking away. "It's nothing. It was an accident."

"Keith!" Shiro was up out of bed, grabbing Keith's arm and pulling it away before Keith could escape. He gasped at the sight on the blood, which dripped down his face and onto his t-shirt. 

"It's not as bad as it looks," Keith said, trying to smile. "I-I just need to wash up."

"I hit you," Shiro whispered, his breathing hitching in his throat. "Oh god, I hit you."

"Shiro," Keith whispered, stepping towards him. Shiro stepped away, as if afraid of him. But he was actually afraid of himself. 

"S-sit down," Shiro told him, his whole body shaking. "I-I'll-I'll go get towels. I'll get help. I'll-"

"I'm okay, really," Keith tried to tell him, holding his head back, but he knew he looked a goddamn mess and it wasn't helping anything. It was the middle of the night, and everyone was asleep. He needed to hold himself together, take a look at his nose, and try to calm Shiro down. 

"Stay here," Shiro said, and he left the room before Keith could stop him. Keith sighed and sat down on the bed, his nose aching. He hated nightmares. He hated that even though the war was over, it stayed with them. They fought to protect the world, and yet they still were stuck in a war of their own. What would it be like, if they could just have one peaceful night? 

Shiro came back, with towels and an icepack in hand. He couldn't look right at Keith. His hands shook as he gently wiped the blood away. Keith tried to take it from him, so he could do it himself, but Shiro wouldn't let him. 

"Let me do this," he whispered, his voice full of more pain than a million bruised noses. Keith dropped his hand and let him. Once the blood was cleaned away Shiro found him a new shirt and helped him change, though Keith could very well change alone. "Lean back," Shiro told him, and Keith leaned into the pillows of the bed as Shiro put the icepack on his nose, which helped. The bleeding seemed to have mostly stopped, as well. Shiro was very pale, and his hands still shook slightly. Keith took Shiro's hand in his and squeezed it. That little gesture was all it took to cause Shiro to dissolve into tears, the sobs shaking his whole body. 

"Shiro," Keith whispered, wishing he could do something to take the pain away. 

"I'm so sorry," Shiro gasped, finally looking into Keith's eyes. "I'm so, so sorry."

Keith pulled Shiro into his arms. "It wasn't your fault," Keith told him as he sobbed. "It's not your fault."

Keith hated that Shiro felt this kind of pain. He hated that they were constantly haunted by memories, where they weren't even safe in their dreams. He hated that they would probably never heal. They would never forget the pain and the agony of what had happened over the past few years. No matter what happened, no matter how many people they saved or days went by, they would be forever haunted by the nightmares that had been their reality. 

Keith could only pray that someday, it would be easier. 

 

 

 


	8. 10. Loner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt 10: loner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so I skipped a couple prompts, because I'm just having trouble coming up with something for prompt 8. (Kral Zera) and 9. (hostage.) (which is weird, because I generally like writing hostage scenarios). Anyway, I'll try to come back to those two later. For now, have some loner Keith. 
> 
> I'm basing this off another story I wrote, called Empty House. You don't have to read that to understand this, but if you have, this is a little alternate storyline from the first chapter. 
> 
> (For a little background, Empty House starts with Keith alone in his room at the Garrison, following the war. He's haunted by feelings of helplessness, feeling like his life is worth nothing. He leaves his room and passes Lance's without stopping. But in this prompt, he does stop.)

Keith stood outside of Lance's room, listening to Hunk and Lance argue over their game. He stood there and listened for several moments, trying to work up the courage to knock. He probably looked ridiculous, or creepy, just standing there, but it was hard to convince himself to raise his hand and simply knock on the door. 

He was the loner, after all. He never had gone to his friends for help, no matter how much pain he held in his heart. Because that wasn't who he was. That wasn't who they saw him as. He was supposed to be the quiet one, the emo one, whatever they wanted to call him. He simply didn't even know _how_ to ask for help. 

But he felt the pain in his heart. His thoughts were haunting him, swallowing him and binding him to the darkness that lingered inside of him. 

_Alone._

_Unnecessary._

_Unneeded._

_Unworthy._

_A failure._

_A screw up._  

_Coward._

He was so tired of it all. And it terrified him. It terrified him because he wasn't sure if he couldn't handle it anymore. 

He thought back to the time he nearly killed himself Naxzela. How easy it would have been to just disappear. He would have died, and saved his friends, and been some sort of hero. 

He slammed his fist against the door, tears streaming down his face. How pathetic he was, crying. But he couldn't stop the tears even if he tried. He hurt too much.

_The stupid, pathetic loner._  

The door opened and Lance stood there, looking confused, Hunk peeking around his legs. Lance took in the sight of Keith, tears and all, and his expression changed to one of worry. 

"Keith?" he said uncertainly. "What's wrong?"

Keith couldn't say anything. He couldn't breathe. Lance put his arm around Keith's shoulders and guided him onto his room, making him sit on his bed. Hunk was there too, bending down next to the bed. 

"What happened?" he asked, frowning. 

Keith couldn't breathe. He wanted them to understand, but he wasn't sure if he had the words to explain the way he felt. How could he tell them he was drowning in his own self hate? That he had backed himself into a corner, failed them-and himself- more times than he could count?

"Keith, you need to breathe, okay?" Lance said, squeezing Keith's shoulders. "Take a deep breath with me. Come on."

Keith tried to do as he said, his breath a shaky sob. "Go find the others," Lance said to Hunk. "I don't know what happened."

Hunk nodded and left. Lance turned back to Keith. "Come on, buddy," Lance said. "Another breath with me. In, and out." Keith did as he was told. "That's good. Do it again." Keith breathed, and it was bit easier this time. Lance relaxed his grip a bit. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Keith shook his head. He felt stupid, going there for help but then not even knowing how to ask for it. Why was asking for help so goddamn hard? 

_Because you're the loner. Always alone. No one care. No one has ever cared._

_Alone, alone, alone_. 

"I can't do it anymore," he whispered, grasping his hair in frustration. 

"Do what?" Lance asked quietly. 

"I don't know know what the point is," Keith sobbed, gripping his hair so tightly it hurt. 

"The point of what?" Lance urged. "Voltron? The war?"

Keith shook his head. "Anything," he whispered. "Existing."

Lance blinked. He looked scared. He swallowed, his hands shaking, and pulled Keith into his arms. Keith just sat there as Lance hugged him tightly, his tears spilling onto Lance's shirt. 

"Keith," Lance said, his voice shaking. "I don't...I hope I'm understanding you wrong, but...." Lance shook slightly, and Keith wondered if he was crying. "I'm right here, okay? And I do care about your existence."

Keith's chest tightened again. It hurt too much. Everything hurt too much. He didn't even have the energy to return Lance's hug. He was just so, so tired. 

Everything went black.

* * *

 

He woke up, Kosmo curled up protectively next to him. He blinked, confused. He didn't remember getting into bed. 

"Keith?"

He turned, and there was Lance, watching him almost nervously. Lance forced an unnatural smile. "Hey. How you feeling?"

"Lance?" Keith said, and then he remembered Lance's arms around him. Keith's heart dropped. He'd broken down in front of Lance. Shame swirled in his stomach. 

"The others were just here," Lance told him. "I told them I'd wait with you. And Kosmo, of course. He showed up in my room the second you passed out. Shiro brought you over here. The doctors said you were okay, but had some sort of anxiety attack or something and just needed rest."

Keith sighed, reaching out and petting Kosmo, who lifted his head to look at him. Part of Keith wished Lance would leave, but part of him was glad he was there. He didn't want to be alone as much as everyone believed he did. Not that it was their fault; he had let them believe it. 

"Keith," Lance said uncertainly. "When...when you were in my room, the things you said...well, they made it seem like...you did want to be here anymore." Lance squirmed when he said it, like the words made him uncomfortable. "Is it true?"

Keith just shrugged. He sighed, feeling exhausted. He had went to Lance for help. Lance had already seen him cry and hear him say he had no point in existing. 

"Sometimes," Keith told him at last. "Sometimes I just feel...overwhelmed. I...I can't handle it. I just feel really alone, and...worthless."

He pulled Kosmo close to him, the words painful to admit. Lance looked at his feet, and was silent for several moments. 

"I'm sorry," he said at last, his voice quiet. "I...I didn't realize."

"It's not your fault," Keith told him. "It's mine."

"No." Lance looked back up at him, his eyes bright. "I'm your friend. At this point, I'm your family. It's my job to be there for you. I noticed...I noticed you've been....quieter than usual, but...I just ignored it. I just ignored you." Lance's shoulders shook. "I'm so sorry, Keith. I don't ever want you to feel that way. Because you're not worthless. Not by a long shot."

Keith just looked at him, unable to respond. 

"You're not alone," Lance whispered with a tearful smile. "I'm here for you. We all are. We'll help you with this. Whatever it takes. We're a family, remember?"

Keith smiled tiredly. Lance's words made him want to believe. 

Lance's words made him feel a little less alone. 

 


End file.
